About the Incredibly Interesting Powell River December 13, 2007

When the ice caps melt and oceans rise, when tidal waves roll in and people roll out, Powell River, BC, Canada, is the place to be. It’s on a hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean, and Vancouver Island, with its mountains in the backgound, sits just across the Straight, over to Comox and Courtenay. And speaking of mountains, Pamela Anderson grew up in that area. (One small, immature little comment here: Imagine being one of the guys in school with Pamela and going to drunken high school parties with her!)

But back to Powell River. One can grow certain types of palm trees here. The odd whale swims by. We can view Pamela Anderson’s mountains every day. The local senior hockey team is a perennial Allan Cup threat. The junior team, the Kings, will someday win big and you should be here to see it. We have a new Staples, several dollar stores,  and the rumour of a Tim Horton’s coming. The mayor thinks he’s Winston Churchill ,and bluesman Colin James comes here from time to time. And most importantly, like I said earlier, we’ll be safe from rising seas and tidal waves. (Except, of course, those who live down below, close to the water, who will be swept out to sea kicking and screaming, like Sandy and Lawrence.)

It’s really, really nice here, so break the news to your partner, hold a garage sale, throw your mattress in a truck, say goodbye to your lousy, pathetic old life, and move here! Everyone’s welcome, even Habs haters, Leaf fans, and those who still like George Bush and Gordon Campbell. We have, however, enough Vancouver Canucks fans already.)