Malkin Blasts Away For Pittsburgh. He Must Have Heard About Bobby Rousseau. May 13, 2008

When Pittsburgh star Evgeny Malkin skated in alone and surprised everyone by blasting his slapshot by Flyers’ goalie Martin Biron from only about ten feet out, I knew it was time to pull out my old scrapbook.

It was circa 1965, and Montreal speedster Bobby Rousseau, a slapshot specialist and off-season golf pro in Ste. Hyacinthe, Quebec, was awarded a penalty shot one night in a game against Boston.

Rousseau grabbed the puck at centre ice, took it just inside the blueline, and to the surprise of everyone, including his coach Toe Blake and Boston goalie, Bruce Gamble, he wound up, fired, and scored.

Has a penalty shot or shootout goal ever been scored from so far out? I doubt it.

So when you see breakaways next year, or all the shootouts and penalty shots, ask yourself why the players don’t just tee up and blast away every so often. The goalie is not in the least expecting it.

Like Malkin did the other night. And like Bobby Rousseau did those many years ago.

 

 

Other Habs May Be Resting In The Off-Season, But I Can’t. Also, Sean Avery Gets A Little More Light-Headed. May 5, 2008

  Although the players will be saying their goodbyes and heading back to the cottages in Sainte Leonard and Sault Ste. Marie, or the dachas in Novopolotsk and Togliatti, I, however, will be continuing my workouts and strict discipline in preparation for when I’m called up as flag guy next season at the Bell Centre.

One thing I don’t need is an injury, so I’ve decided to sit when I’m drinking beer, and also to do as little as possible at work. Can you imagine when they call me to be flag guy and I have to tell them I pulled a muscle while dancing at the Moose Hall, or I’m too exhausted from doing too much for the Man at work?

Also, the photo above isn’t really me. But it kind of gives you an idea of what I’ll look like in my Habs uniform on flag night. In real life, I have legs and a neck.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Sean Avery spent his last playoff chances of the year in the hospital, and missed his team’s (New York Rangers) elimination.

There’s no truth to the rumour that the reason he was hospitalized was for the removal of his ego, which was growing at a dangerous rate.  There might be, however, some truth to the rumour that Avery was the least popular patient in the New York hospital.

TEAMS I HATE THE MOST IN THE NHL:

That would be the Flyers, Bruins, Devils, Leafs, Senators, Panthers, Hurricane, Lightening, Islanders, Rangers, Avalanche, Canucks, Wild, Stars, Sharks, Kings, Blues, Blue Jackets, Red Wings, Blackhawks, Oilers, Thrashers, Capitals, Penguins, Flames, Ducks, Predators, and Coyotes.

I like the rest, though.

WHO WILL WIN THE STANLEY CUP?

Oh, is hockey still going on?

 

 

 

A Couple Of Tweaks Here And There And The Habs Will Get Serious Next Year May 4, 2008

Rick the Trucker emailed me and told me the Bell Centre crowd started singing that wretched Ole song late in the game when the score was tied 4-4. And not long after the song started, the Flyers scored, of course.

I’ve been saying it all year. I hate that song. I despise it. I cringe when I hear it. I think it pumps the other team up.

If you know anyone who goes to games at the Bell Centre and sings this, please take them out to the country and throw them off a bridge. Or at the very least, rip their vocal cords out with a pair of pliers.

So what went wrong?

Although there’s lots of good about the Montreal Canadiens, why did Philadelphia win?  And why did Montreal almost blow the Boston series?

Why aren’t they ready yet?

Did Bob Gainey get rid of Cristobal Huet a little premature?

Was Carey Price exhausted?

Did the Habs burn out in the regular season going for the coveted first place overall?

Did they go into the playoffs a little too cocky?

Why did the defence disappear during the playoffs? Hamrlik, Komisarek Gorges, Bouillon, all solid as a rock beforehand, and too soft in the post season. And Andrei Markov, a premier defenceman in the league, didn’t play at all like a premier defenceman.

What about Michael Ryder? Will he stay or will he go? He’s going to have to go. They didn’t want him in uniform in the playoffs, so why would they want him in uniform next year?

Why did the big guns become quiet? Alex Kovalev played quite well, and so did Saku Koivu when he came back from injury.  But what happened to the Kostitsyn’s, and Mark Streit, and Tomas Plekanec? Or Higgins and Latendresse? These were guys who turned it down a notch in the playoffs, and hopefully it was such an experience this year, that next year, they’ll turn it up a notch.

Will I be chosen as flag guy at the Bell Centre next year?

Will Danielleia stay a Habs fan?

Will der Habinator buy a new computer?

Will Mike continue to experience ups and downs as an elevator mechanic?

 

Rodney Helps Me Out In Dealing With Those Flyers Fans May 1, 2008

Man, those Flyers fans are a tough crowd. They’re letting me have it in the comments section. So I’ve done what I had to do. I’ve prayed to the man above to help, to give me guidance, to make me strong against these folk in Pennsylvania who are rubbing their hands in glee at this very moment at the thought of their team taking out my team.

Dear Rodney, please help.

“Don’t worry, Dennis. They come from a bad neighbourhood. I put my hand in some cement there and felt another hand.”

Flyers fans drink too much. When they give a urine sample, there’s olives in it.

Flyers fans take viagra and prune juice. They don’t know whether they’re coming or going.

They asked Flyers fans to be poster boys - for birth control.

Martin Biron’s mother had morning sickness after he was born.

The Flyers complained to their psychiatrist that everyone hates them. He said they were being ridiculous - everyone hasn’t met them yet.

When Daniel Briere was a kid his parents moved a lot. But he always found them.

When Derian Hatcher was born, the doctor slapped his mother.

STOP THAT, RODNEY.

Sorry, Flyers fans.

In all seriousness, what I’ve garnered from the comments this past week from Flyers fans is this:

They don’t feel their team is getting enough respect. They’re complaining that when I write about Montreal losing, it’s not because the Flyers played well, it’s because the Habs played poorly.

And they don’t think I’m giving enough credit to Martin Biron.

So I’ve been thinking about this. And really, the big reason Philly is doing so well is because of Martin Biron. It’s not because the Flyers are on fire. Daniel Biron’s been good but not great, and also RJ Umberger. But Mike Richards hasn’t, or most of the Flyers forwards, for that matter. And whatever John Stevens did to make his defence so tight around their net, it’s really working.

The reason I say Montreal is not playing up to their standards is because they’re not. They won the eastern division, they scored more goals during the regular season than any other team in the league. And their power play was the best in the league. They played fire wagon hockey all year, they were dynamic, fast, and were a handful for others teams on most nights.

But not now.

During these playoffs, their power play has fizzled and their scoring in general is way off, and that includes the Boston series also. The guys who lit it up during the season, the Kostitsyn’s, Higgins, Kovalev, Plekanec, are quiet now.

So Montreal isn’t playing up to scratch, and Philadelphia is riding with a red-hot goaltender. (And don’t forget, Flyers fans, there’s been a lot of goal posts hit.)

I don’t know why these fans have a problem with this thinking.

And one last little thing. After Philadelphia scored late a couple of games ago, Flyers defenceman Kimmo Timonen turned around and laughed in Tom Kostopoulos’ face. This is the kind of thing that turns off most hockey fans. It lacked class, you don’t see this type of mocking often, and when Kostopoulos smacked him in the mouth for this, I’m sure hockey fans, even Habs haters, nodded their heads approvingly.

 

You Want Drama In Your Life? Just Follow The Habs, You’ll Get Lots. Montreal Wins Game One In Overtime. April 24, 2008

 

 GAME ONE

 

 

PRE-GAME OBSERVATIONS:

Here’s what I know about the city of Philadephia:

City Hall in Philadelphia, if it’s still in the same place as it was in 1969, has stairs up to the top where you can look out over the street and smoke a joint. That’s what Mike and I did on our way to the Atlantic City Pop Festival way back then. 

WC Fields’ proposed epitaph was “All thing’s considered, I’d rather be living in Philadelphia.” Sounds a lot like Daniel Briere. Except Fields was talking about dying.

Philadephia is the home of legendary hockey players - Dave Schult, Don Saleski, Bob Kelly, Moose Dupont, Steve Downie, and the guy who broke ankles better than anybody in the game, Bobby Clarke.

“Rocky” was filmed in Philadelphia. The movie included quite a few shots of the some of the nicer parts of the city. A meat slaughterhouse, guys out on the street, freezing, and standing around fires burning in tin cans, singing a capello, Rocky’s (Sylvester Stallone) lovely bungalow and neighbourhood, and a sweaty old gym.

Philadephia is the home of the Philadephia Phillies mascot, the Philly Phanatic. You’ve probably seen him. You know, the creature with the ridiculously long nose, extended neck, and gangly, weird body. 

And there’s absolutely no truth to the rumour that the Phanatic was actually Don Saleski in the off-season. The Phanatic was apparently quite upset about these allegations. “There’s no way I look as silly as Don Saleski,” stated the creature. 

POST-GAME OBSERVATIONS:

Two games were played tonight. The one Bob Cole saw, which was Philadelphia all over Montreal most of the game. And the one the rest of us saw, which was a couple of posts hit by Montreal, a penalty shot, a shorthanded goal by Kovalev, a couple of comebacks, overtime, a dramatic goal by ultimate warrior Tom Kostopoulos, and a pretty tip-in by Patrice Brisebois, which was, unfortunately, into his own net.

It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t what Bob Cole saw either. It was a lip-smacking 4-3 overtime win for the Canadiens. A late comeback, and then the Kostopoulos goal 48 seconds into the extra period.

Yes, that Tom Kostopoulos, the one fans pooh-poohed when he came over from Los Angeles. Everybody wanted a star like Vincent Lecavalier or Daniel Briere, but had to settle for a plumber these fans labelled Krustyopolos, and everyone wanted to lynch Bob Gainey for this lacklustre signing.

And then some guy on some French TV show used profanity when describing Kostopoulos, and said a French player should be playing, not Kostopoulos. Thankfully, the guy was later fired for his rude and tasteless comments.

Tom Kostopoulos is as important as any player on the Montreal Canadiens. Every great team has had players like him in defining roles. 

Game one’s in the books. That’s five wins down, eleven to go

 Game notes:

About those two kids dressed in their Habs uniforms, holding flags and skating around the Bell Centre at the beginning.  HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET THIS GIG?

I need to do this. Can an old guy do this too? If Club de Hockey Canadien needs to be paid, I’ll sell the house. Please call. I can be there in twelve hours.

 

 

 

Bring On The Broad Street Broads April 23, 2008

Daniel Briere didn’t want the pressure that goes with being a Montreal Canadien, so he signed with the Philadelphia Flyers instead. This young French Canadian star would have been a huge hero in Quebec. He would have been a star in the kingdome of hockey, Montreal. If he had a great seven years or so with the Habs, he’d be treated as royalty there for the rest of his life.

But Briere wanted no part of this.

I don’t think he has the balls to be a star in Montreal.

Now he has to play the Habs in round 1. Then, when the series ends, he can crawl back into obscurity.

I watched the Flyers play four times against Montreal this year, and also in game seven against the Capitals, and I don’t see much. Mike Richards needs to be stopped. Steve Downie’s going to take a lot of penalties and has a brief history of cheap shots. Defenceman Derian Hatcher has been around since the 1970’s, hasn’t he?  He’s slow. I can see Kovalev and the Kostitsyns’s burning him on a regular basis. Briere’s their leading point getter with 10 points so far in the playoffs. He’s a slippery bugger, but he’s small, and the Habs need to quickly make him inconsequential.

Montreal just needs to remember what they did in game seven against the Bruins. Attack instead of being attacked. I think it’s simple.  

Game note:

Game one begins Thursday night 

 

 

Please Don’t Paint Us All With The Same Brush. Those Hooligans Aren’t Habs Fans. April 22, 2008

I woke this morning and saw the news. The news out of Montreal that following the beautiful 5-0 game that rid us of the Bruins, Montrealer’s rioted in the streets, looted, burned police cars, and in general, carried on like mindless fools.

So this is an open letter to everyone, from Habs fans everwhere. Those who carried out such boorish behaviour ARE NOT MONTREAL CANADIENS FANS. I repeat, ARE NOT MONTREAL CANADIENS FANS. They’re a bunch of drunken, idiotic, low IQ’d, stupid, low-class, brain dead, low-life hooligans who can’t get a girl or function in society, who pick their noses and eat it, and who still poop their pants from time to time even though they’re twenty five years old. 

These fools, who wouldn’t know Jean Beliveau if he personally delivered their welfare cheques, saw an opportunity to show off their talent for lighting matches and breaking windows. They are, for lack of a better phrase, quite stupid. The only hooking and holding they know is when they spend twenty bucks to buy the girl of their dreams for half an hour.

These greaseballs have been trying all their lives to be in the papers, to break a window and steal an umbrella, to torch a police car and hope for applause. 

I seriously wish there was a shoot-to-kill edict issued. It would be kind of like bringing down the rat population. 

Think about it, Montreal police force, for after the next round.

Montreal fans, real Montreal fans, sat back last night and reflected. Montreal fans felt relief and satisfaction. They celebrated as mature, normal, hockey-loving adults and young adults. They thought about what went wrong during the series, and what went right. They thought about the next round, about the Rangers and the Flyers.

Montreal fans went to bed proud, happy, and unbelievably relieved.

THEY DIDN’T LOOT, BURN, AND FIGHT.

Montreal Remembers Their Game Just In Time And Puts Stake In The Bruins April 21, 2008

 GAME 7

 It wasn’t their best game of the season, but it was certainly their best game of the playoffs. By far their best game. A beautiful 5-0 shutout. It’s like getting rid of a big boil on your nose.

Monday night, game seven, we saw the Montreal Canadiens we had become used to throughout the regular season. They attacked. They skated. They played with poise. And that’s the way they should have being playing all along in this opening round. 

Maybe they’ve learned something from this stressful seven game experience with the Bruins. From now on, we do the attacking, not the other guys. 

So what happened for the Montreal Canadiens, down and out after blowing a three games to one lead, with the Bruins carrying all the confidence and momentum going into this deciding game? How could they come out in game seven, find the game they were desperately looking for, and skate away with a mouth-watering 5-0 shutout to eliminate the pesky Bruins?

Carey Price kept them in it early in the game, and then it was like a lightswitch went on. The Canadiens suddenly remembered how they won the eastern conference. Everyone stepped it up, they attacked, and the Bruins became no match.

Alex Kovalev was flying, so were the guys who had been in a funk - the Kostitsyn’s, Tomas Plekanec, Chris Higgins, Mark Streit, and about ten others.  Carey Price, who went from giving up ten goals in two games to none when it counted the most, in game seven, was fabulous, and showed he doesn’t rattle in a pressure cooker.

Guy Carbonneau was no longer outcoached by Claude Julien, and whatever he did to get the team to open it up like they did, he’s got to bottle it and feed it to his players in the second round.

And what a difference Saku Koivu makes when he’s in the lineup.

The Bruins were good, fought hard, they stressed out me and most Habs fans, and I’m glad they’re out of there. I’ve had enough of Zdeno Chara and his shorter teammates. They were good, but Montreal showed that when they’re firing on all cylinders, they’re better. 

So it becomes this - If Philadelphia eliminates Washington, then Montreal plays Philadelphia in the next round. But if Washington wins, Montreal takes on Sean Avery and the New York Rangers.

I don’t care who it is. Bring em on!

Just play every game like Monday’s game, boys, and you’ll take out either one of them.

 

The Night We All Said Thank You To Maurice ‘Rocket’ Richard April 20, 2008

I feel just a small break from the stress of the Boston-Montreal series is needed right now.  Montreal fans were so optimistic going into round one, but the team hasn’t played well, and going into game seven Monday night, Boston carries all the momentum and good feelings.

So I feel we need a change of pace, go back to our roots, and check in with the maestro,  the hero of so many, the man who wore the CH not just on his sweater, but also on his heart, the great Maurice ‘Rocket’ Richard.

On March 11, 1996, following a game between Dallas and Montreal, the Canadiens and fans said goodbye to the Montreal Forum. The lights were dimmed, and Montreal Canadien captains from over the years walked onto the Forum ice. Emile Bouchard, Jean Beliveau, Henri Richard, Yvon Cournoyer, Serge Savard, Bob Gainey, Guy Carbonneau, Pierre Turgeon, and of course, number nine, Maurice Richard.

A torch was lit and was passed to Butch Bouchard. Bouchard then passed it to the Rocket, and the emotional fans in the beautiful old building, the wondrous Forum, erupted in an explosion of cheers, tears, memories, and thank you’s to the greatest Hab ever. Fans weren’t only saying goodbye to the old building, but were also saying thank you to the Rocket, who had done so much to create the mystique that is the Montreal Canadiens, a man whose deeds, fire, passion, success, and humility continues to make all Montreal fans, young and old, proud of the team, and a man the emotional Quebec Habs fans embraced and clung to through rocky political and cultural times in the province. 

The Rocket was my boyhood hero, stayed that way long after he retired, and remains my hero even today. I met him once, but that’s a story for another day.

Here’s a small clip of that night in 1996, when Montreal Canadiens fans, in a 16 minute standing ovation that left most in tears, said thank you to The Rocket. And he wasn’t even sure why. Because he would always say, “I’m just a hockey player.”

Enjoy. 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1FvJzhg2nE

Let’s Just Bury Game Six And Concentrate On Game Seven April 19, 2008

  GAME 6

The picture is now crystal clear. Boston has figured Montreal out, and Montreal doesn’t know how to figure Boston out. Claude Julien understands how playoff hockey works, adjusted nicely, and his team has delivered.

Tonight, it became a 5-4 Bruins win, and it was a game that surely has left all Habs fans grumbling and more than slightly pissed off.

Montreal coach Guy Carbonneau has not been able to light a fire under his boys, and so again, in this game six, it meant four Boston goals in the third period, the same as in game five. It meant five goals scored again by Boston, the same as in game five. It meant that again, Montreal was flat, their power play was flat, and although Chris Higgins and Tomas Plekanec finally broke out of their scoreless draught, it was a non-effort by almost everyone on the Montreal team.

Or maybe it wasn’t so much a non-effort by Montreal, but a better effort by Boston.

So I don’t want to but I have to ask this one question, a question which makes me uneasy, but I feel must be addressed. Are there too many Europeans on the Montreal Canadiens to understand what it takes to win in playoff hockey?

The playoffs aren’t the regular season. And for a couple of decades now, we’ve seen many examples of players from across the pond not understanding the importance of the Stanley Cup, unlike North Americans, especially Canadians, who have this emotion implanted in their hearts and souls.

I hear from Canucks fans all the time how the Sedin twins, from Sweden, are the furthest things from playoff performers. 

If you say this is bullshit and I’m out of line, then where have the European Habs gone?

Russian-born Alex Kovalev, mentioned as a possible league MVP, has brought his game down a couple of serious notches and is no more the straw that stirs the drink during Montreal’s once daunting power play. The Kostitsyn’s, from Belarus, can’t crack Boston’s playoff checking. Tomas Plekanec, from the Czech Republic, was an offensive marvel during the regular season, and now is playing like he’d rather be some place else. Switzerland’s Mark Streit is playing like he belongs in the American Hockey League.

Even Russian Andrei Markov, frequently called one of the top defensemen in the entire league, has posed no threat whatsoever.

This is a very disappointing turn of events. It was such a short time ago that talk of a Stanley Cup was rampant throughout Hab universe, but now this is a team hanging by a thread, playing scared, playing tight and nervous, while Boston is a team of happy campers, feeling good about themselves, and can’t wait for game seven Monday night.

Of course Montreal can redeem themselves in one game and make everyone forget they haven’t deserved this series. They can win still, make no mistake about that. They’ve been a team of surprises all year, and now it’s time to pull one last trick out of their bag.

But so far, and it pains me to say this, I haven’t seen a Stanley Cup contender from my Montreal Canadiens.